Sexual Appeal

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Published on The Doomstead Diner March 23, 2017

Johnette Napolitano            Janis Joplin

Discuss this article at the Psychology Table inside the Diner

A few weeks ago I ran across a You Tube Video of an acoustic performance of "Joey" by the band Concrete Blond.  They were a 90s Alternative Rock Band that never got super popular, and this was their biggest hit, but they did last pretty long into the early 2000s.  I wasn't a big fan of this band, but I remember the song Joey very well and in my trucking years it played fairly often on the radio on the alt-rock and college stations I tuned into in those years as I cruised the interstate across the country.

Inside the Diner, we run a continuing thread with favorite Music Videos called the Diner Juke Box, and a while back I put up the Vevo Official Music Video of Joey.  But then in doing my general nightly music scan of old music I like to listen to periodically, I ran into another video with Joey as the tune behind it, put together by a fan with still images of their performances as the visual accompanyment.  What struck me in watching that video was the astonishing resemblance of the lead singer of Concrete Blonde Johnette Napolitano to another favorite singer of mine from the 60s, Janis Joplin.

I thought at first that Johnette was a lot younger than she actually is (she's still alive) and might have been the reincarnation of Janis, but after a bit of Google Research I discovered that Johnette is just about precisely my age, born just 22 days after me in 1957.

Then after doing more searching this time on You Tube directly instead of Google, I turned up yet another video version of Joey, a Live performance on Dennis Miller's show in 1992.  At this time, Johnette was 35 years old like me and garbed out in a mini-skirt and looking HOT!

Now, let's return to reality here.  How many 35 year old women can garb up in a mini-skirt and look this good?  It was a small number in the 1990's, and it's even smaller today.  MOST 35 year old women today look more like this:

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OK, maybe not that fat, but I could have Googled truly OBESE women (or men), of which there are many cruising the aisles at Walmart everyday. The percentage of highly attractive 35 year old people of either sex wandering around there is quite small these days, except on TV shows or in the Movies.

Call me SHALLOW if you want to, but I just do not have nor did I ever have any sexual attraction to a really FAT person.  Nor do I have any attraction to really UGLY people, OLD people or to really STUPID people either.  I am (or was) also highly conventional in my sexual attraction to others.  I wasn't "polysexual, "ambi-sexual", "multi-sexual" or any of the other modern New Age definitions of sexuality or gender identity, I was an old fashioned heterosexual.  Nowadays, I am an ASEXUAL, and we asexuals are given the short shrift overall in discussions of sexuality.  Which is kind of remarkable since there appear to be a growing number of asexual people out there.

Today, I find the whole idea of sex to be gross.  Even if I do see a female who is sexually appealing to my old self, then I think about all the rutting around and it grosses me out.  lol.  I can't even look at Movie Star quality females anymore and get sexually aroused by them.  I can't look at Nudie Pics of females in Porn Magazines without thinking about the gross and disgusting acts to be done in the process of having sex. lol. It's even worse if it's a hard core porn magazine depicting sex acts in graphic detail.  I haven't seen one of those in over a decade, but the last time I did I wanted to heave the technicolor yawn.

So anyhow, going back to the old days when I was being led around by the needs of my Johnson to get laid, my conventional sexual attraction to only females plus the fact I eliminated anyone who was FAT, UGLY, OLD, or STUPID, it of course seriously limited my choices in places I could put the Sausage when I got the urge.  Fortunately in my younger days I was sufficiently appealing myself to Quality Females that I managed to find a few who also met my standards.  Maybe about 50 different ones across my rutting lifespan, with most of those occuring between the ages of 18 & 30.  This cross-appeal issue does limit your selection, because not only does the female have to be sexually appealing to you, YOU have to be sexually appealing to HER too!  So if 1 in 20 females appeal to me, and I only appeal to 1 in 20 females, that means there is only a 1 in 400 chance of hooking up with the right female!  Those are actually pretty good odds overall, if you get FAT or get OLD & UGLY, it's more like only 1:1000 females would find you attractive,and only 1:1000 people would find them attractive, meaning it's a 1:1,000,000 chance the two of you would find each other to have blissful moments of rutting.

Today, I can't even IMAGINE any reasonably attractive female that would want to have sex with a decrepit old cripple like myself, even if I was interested in doing the rutting AND would pay her vast sums of money too. lol.  Going the other way, would I be the least bit interested in fucking the 60 year old Johnette Napolitano or Grace Slick or Patti Smyth of today?  Hell no!  They're all OLD BAGS now!  In my memories and in my dreams, they are still the hot young chicks they were in 1987 or even earlier, when we were all around 20-30 or so.  But today?  They're all somewhat better maintained then the average 60+ female, but still are saggy and wrinkly just like me!  Imagine a Porn Movie with 2 old wrinkly people as the Porn Stars. Would you go see this movie as a turn on or download it off the internet on Netflix?  Not a chance. This one dies a quick death at the Box Office.

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Not only that, but also the whole driver of procreation is no longer there either to rut with a 60 year old female, menopause is in the rear view mirror (OK, rarely women in their 60s are still fertile and get pregnant, the record on this one is around 70 by some Indian woman).  So, practical guy that I am, this whole bizness seems like a big waste of time & energy to me now.

Of course, some old married people keep their sex lives going long after the chicks have left the nest and long after their good looks are gone.  This I think is done through a combination of Nostalgia and Imagination.  Usually sex is done in the dark in bed, so you don't actually SEE the other person, except in your mind's eye, where you probably visualize them as they looked when you first married them.  So that is OK too for these folks, but on average as time goes by married people have less sex all the time.  When you're first married, you do it every night.  After 10 years of marriage, you probably are down to twice a week.  After 30 years of marriage, if you do it once a month that is probably a lot. lol.

Generally speaking as a biological function, sex is fun and appealing from around the time you reach puberty to maybe 50-60 years old, but after that it loses its appeal overall.  The best sex years are from around age 20-40 I think, although the early experimentation years are fun too.  After you have spent say 30 years doing it though, I don't see much point to it thereafter.  Your mileage may vary on this though.  lol.

Sex?  GOODBYE TO YOU!

Patty Smyth then…

…and Patty Smythe now…

Not bad for a woman in her 50s, but still not the Patty Smyth of 1982, which is the one I keep in my mind's eye.

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